Dear Deskbound Dan: I hate when coworkers solicit donations
for charity crap at the office. I feel that my charitable donations
(or lack thereof) are my business, not that of Gladys in personnel
who loves to blab exactly how much each person gives to a specific
cause. How do I politely, but more importantly, firmly, just
say no to office giving? – Cheap & Happy About It
Dear CAHABI: This problem has been plaguing offices as long
as there have been offices. [In mine, it’s Perky Paula
who always has a collection of the week going on. Walking by
her desk is like visiting a beach in the Caribbean with everybody
asking for handouts.] It's hard to get any more than just mildly annoyed
at these office do-gooders though since they have such noble intentions. They are just over-zelaous sometimes. Depending on your relationship
with the solicitor or your level of tolerance on any particular day,
here are a few of possible responses…A) Why, Barb, that is so nice
of you to collect for Name of Charity, but I have already contributed
on my own. B) Sorry, Janie, this is not a good time for me,
but please provide Name of Charity’s contact information so I can
contribute on my own when circumstances change. C) Cynthia, if only
you had caught me sooner this month (day, week, or year). I
have already maxed out my charity budget. However, since Name
of Charity is such a worthy cause, why don’t you contribute double
yourself to cover my share?
Dear Deskbound Dan: My
boss says I am not ready to move up to a higher responsibility level
at work. I know I can do more and I am bored with my present
level. Should I stay there and try to convince him that I deserve
a promotion or should I look elsewhere? - Need A Promotion ASAP
Dear
NAPASAP: Start spreading the news, you’re leaving today. You should never waste your time to trying to convince anyone of anything
that is already readily apparent. (If you excel at your present
job, the boss may not want you to leave it because nobody else would
be able to do it as well as you could. If so, he is thinking
of himself, not you.) Anyway, get out there and look for a new
place that will appreciate your skills and results. You will
only frustrate yourself by trying to “prove” to your present employer
that you are ready for your promotion. The best way to prove
it, is to show him by getting that better position elsewhere. Switching jobs will no doubt result in a higher salary than you would
have had by getting bumped up in your present place also. [See-ya
Steven calls all the time from his new job just to gloat over how
much more he makes now. Sigh.]
Dear Deskbound
Dan: I have asked everyone I know and nobody has come up with a solution
for this. You are my last hope! The woman who sits next
to me eats her lunch at her desk and has two cans of soda. The
early afternoon sounds like the Halleluiah Chorus played out in burps. Then, at the afternoon break, she has another two cans and the cycle
starts again. How do I put an end to this once and for all?
– Wish I Had Ear Plugs
Dear WIHEP: If possible, you could get
headphones and every time she reaches for a can of her burp-brew,
pump up the volume before she does. If that is not practical
in your office, we’ll have to keep thinking. [A similar situation
once came up in our office. After several people refused to
sit near the offender, Witch Woman eventually had to have a direct
talk with the person. I can’t tell you who it was. I’ll
never tell that it was Fired Frannie. Oops.] Let’s consider
that a last resort and start with a less intrusive option. Suggest
she try tea, coffee, or flavored water as an afternoon beverage. Look for an angle that would fit something you know about her such
as there is too much sugar in the soda and the green tea would help
her stomach problems. Be creative and have fun with this part. After all, if you can't provide humor for yourself in the office, nobody else is going to do it. In fact, write back and tell me more about her personality. I’ll share it with the readers and we’ll all come up with pitches
as to why she should drink some type of non-carbonated beverage, thus
ensuring you quieter afternoons.
Dear Deskbound Dan:: My coworkers and I are self-professed “character assassins” in the
cafeteria. We laugh hysterically all through lunch because we
make fun of the people at all the other tables by giving them funny
names. One woman sits at a table by herself and tries to read
a book amidst the lunchtime chaos so we call her “Library Lady.” This woman constantly gives us dirty looks because we are making noise
while she is trying to read. Don’t you think the cafeteria is
the place to cut loose and have fun and make some noise? Killing
With Words
Dear KWW: Yes, I agree there is a different
standard in the cafeteria than in the cubicle. I also love the humurous names you make up for your fellow corporate slaves. However, I have to ask
(due diligence, you understand), just how much of a lunchtime party
are you character assassins throwing every day? [I wish I could
spend more time in our lunchroom. Cafeteria Connie makes the
best Indiana Succotash.] Are you disturbing other people too? If so, you might want to take it down a notch. If not, here’s
a radical solution which will at least provide you with many more hours of humorous material
if it doesn’t solve your problem: Invite the Library Lady to
sit at your table with you and your friends. Either way, you
can’t lose.
Dear Deskbound Dan:: My colleagues like to go out for drinks
after work every Friday. I always try to make some excuse because
attending makes me very uncomfortable. Two of the regulars (who are married, but not to each other) get very flirty and touchy / feely. If my husband behaved that way with any of his co-workers, I would
be furious. Sitting there while this goes on makes it seem like
I approve, which I most certainly do not. Of course, when I
refuse to go, the most persistent person insisting I attend is the
female half of the offensive twosome. Advice? – Flirt On Your
Own Time
Dear FOYOT: Just say no. Yes, it's that
simple. You're under no obligation to attend after work social
get togethers with co-workers you don’t even like. If flirty
female keeps pushing you, you can say, “I prefer to watch my porn
in privacy, thanks.” Perhaps then she will get the message on
several levels. [I had to use a similar line in my office when
I innocently went to get some extra staples one day in the supply
closet and found Handsy Harold tying to give Sad Sandy a reason not
to be so sad.]
Dear Deskbound Dan: I have worked for the
same company for 25 years. I'm ready for a major change. The last time I was in the job market, there was no such thing as
a fax machine! Where do I start? Old, But Not Out
Dear
OBNO: Sometimes I glance at the signature of letters before
the body and this was one of those times. I was thinking, you
might be writing to the wrong advice column. Then I read more and realized
you meant out of the office-switching game, not the closet! Alas, this illustrates
your very problem. Language and times change. Here are
my suggestions to get you “out” into the job search world. Practice
being comfortable with all the current buzzwords in your field. Get a job search book written within the last two years and learn
all you can about modern job search techniques like posting your resume
online or sending it by e-mail. Visit www.Monster.com; it's
one of the most popular job search sites in the country and read the
information there. [That’s what I told Fired Frannie to do also.] Write and tell me when you get the new job. P.S. You deserve
a medal of honor for occupying that same cubicle for 25 years!
Dear
Deskbound Dan: I have a problem. My best work friend and I were
going for the same job three weeks ago. I got the job and now
she is completely different around me. We used to eat lunch
together every day. After our boss announced that I got the
job, she made an excuse why she could not go to lunch for a few days. After that, she just started eating with other people. I don’t
want this to come between us. What should I do? – I Got The
Job And She Didn’t
Dear IGTJASD: Hmm, based on how you
signed your name, are you sure you're being professional about this? [And not rubbing it in her face like Ambitious Amber?] I hope
you’re not welcoming her to her desk in the morning by sticking your
tongue out and saying, “Nanananana.” Assuming your only fault
is being more competent, I would just let this one go. It has
already come between you and frankly, I have seen it many times so
it doesn’t surprise me. If you were true friends, not just work
acquaintances, either would have been genuinely happy for the other’s
success. Perhaps when you have been in the job for a month or
two, and the honeymoon stage is over, you will start complaining about
it and she will see that the grass was only greener when the lawn
care truck arrived on time. If not, consider it the price of
movin’ on up in the office.
