Find A Girlfriend

Dear Matthew: I'm 24 years old, and with a little work, I can be a nice looking guy. Maybe even a good dad and/ or husband. I'm polite, helpful to people, and might even be able to give a girl a nice gift on occasion. I might even know what a girl or woman wants in a guy from time to time.

My downsides: I'm not very sociable, not very personable, and sometimes end up frustrated trying to show my emotions. Also, I can't dance and I'm not very conversational. I may have a big heart, but I'm afraid what girls are looking for inside of me might not be there. For the most part, what I do for girls is be respectful, just try to be nice, and help them out.

Several of my co-workers say I should either have a girlfriend or get one. Dont get me wrong; even though girls are nice and everything, I haven't had a girlfriend in quite some time. During my childhood, I had family problems that required me to be as mature as an adult. Now that most of these problems are done, the only problems I have left is getting my life back on track.

Dear Anonymous & Single: Your letter is very impressive for a number of reasons which I'll discuss. Even though you titled your actual e-mail "Girlfriend Dilemma," I don't think there is really a dilemma at all. Your co-workers who are pressuring you to find a girlfriend should have no part in your decision. Having a girlfriend or boyfriend is not right for everyone (ask anyone who has one!) and though they may be well meaning, your co-workers want you to conform to their idea and timetable of what works in your life. Let's dismiss them and focus on you.

I don't know about the dancing part, but your letter indicates that you are indeed sociable, personable, emotive, and conversational. Go back and read your letter and you will see how well and deeply your expressed yourself on several points. When you are ready, girls will find this highly attractive because one of women's biggest complaints is that men don't know how to communicate. You are already at the head of the pack when it comes to that. You also mentioned that girls won't want to do the stuff you like to do. There are girls into football, fishing, hiking, and NASCAR so I don't think you have to worry about female companionship regardless of your favorite activities.

Since I'm still young, I want to go back and do all the joyous, fun stuff that I did when I was a kid and all the other things I didn't have a chance to do in my teens. I've reached a point in my life that I've discovered that mature, adult life can wait; being a kid at heart never waits. It's either use it or lose it. I enjoy being single and doing what I want, when I want. Some of the things I want to do right now girls don't like to do.

Recently, I've seen several girls at my workplace who may be attracted to me. In the future I might like to be married and have a family, I don't know or think it may be a good choice for me now. Sure, girls may be more understanding of my predicament, but if they aren't, would my dating them just only set them up for heartbreak, depression, and/ or disappointment. But being single, i'm very comfortable with myself. What should I do? - Anonymous & Single

There is no reason why you can't enjoy being single and decide to date casually. To avoid the heartbreak, disappointment, etc., you must be very honest and forthright at the beginning of any dating relationship about your goals and intentions. Don't worry, all women are not on the marriage hunt, you can find some who feel the same way you do - they like being on their own, but also enjoy male companionship for activities. In summary, enjoy your youth and your long-deserved fun time. Don't be held to anybody else's expectations of when it's time to find a girlfriend and declare her Ms. Right.